Episode 178
When Personal Problems Clock In Too
Brad's morning at Panera turned into an accidental observation study on how personal drama is infiltrating the workplace. Surrounded by Gen X and Boomer professionals complaining about family issues, relationship problems, and personal grievances with coworkers, he witnessed something that used to be unthinkable people bringing their entire personal lives into professional spaces.
The once-impenetrable wall between work and personal life has shrunk to a speed bump. For Gen X professionals, that boundary used to be absolute. Personal problems stayed personal. Work problems stayed at work. Today's workplace doesn't operate that way anymore, and it's not just Gen Z driving this change.
The blending of personal and professional lives creates challenges for leaders. It's a time suck, an energy drain, and a real cost. But it can also reduce turnover when handled with empathy and clear boundaries. The question isn't whether this blending will happen - it's already happening. The question is how leaders will manage it.
Highlights:
- Gen X and Boomers are bringing personal drama to work, not just younger generations.
- Victim mindset conversations drain productivity regardless of generation.
- Company-first approach: provide designated time for personal talks with clear deadline expectations.
- Employee-first approach: offer time off to resolve personal issues before they become distractions
Are you struggling with personal drama bleeding into your workplace productivity? The solution starts with deciding what kind of culture you actually want.
Subscribe to Blue Collar BS for more honest conversations about the messy realities of leading modern workforces across all generations. Share this episode with leaders who need permission to set boundaries while still showing empathy.
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Transcript
Hey everyone, welcome back to this episode of blue collar BS. I am the B in BS as Brad and the S is there you go. Perfect. Blue collar Brad and Steve or business solutions or BS, whichever our audience prefers go with your choice. We're not picky. We are not picky. So what's going on in the motor city?
Doyle (:I'm the S Steve.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm. That's right.
Doyle (:you know, it's nice. It's cool fall day. Right. I got my driveway all seal coated, repaired and seal coated. So, yeah. So, you know, did that. And other than that, just kind of enjoying the fall. What's going on with you?
Brad Herda (:Getting ready to go out to Colorado for a quick little weekend getaway with my wife and then my son from Florida is coming up. I go out to Breckenridge. Watch some Brewer Brewer's baseball for the playoffs while we're out there. So that'll be fun. Hopefully your Detroit Tigers can take care of the Cleveland Indians today in Game 3. So.
Doyle (:Nice.
Doyle (:Nice.
Doyle (:Hopefully, yep.
Brad Herda (:Lots of that going on. So just getting ready to get out town here. But instead, we're here today to talk about some stuff. So yesterday in between meetings early morning, I decide to stop at America's office place, Panera, right? So get something to eat, go sit in a corner so I can be undistracted, get a bunch of work done. And then I get surrounded by people.
Doyle (:Nice. Yeah.
Doyle (:Yeah.
Doyle (:Yeah.
Doyle (:Weird.
Brad Herda (:weird surrounded by people and people fucking complaining about just the stupidest things about everything and this and that and the why is this all happening right this why is this happening to me scenario and what people are doing this stuff to me and this is happening or communication this or you know and it's leaders talking to employees and leaders talking to other leaders and just all this i'm like i left
I could not take it. I could not take the this whole blame game mindset. Yes, from all of the things that were going on around me and it made me think about today's workplace. And I got a client going through some things about just how that line of. Professional workplace versus personal. This happens over here. How that line is just.
Doyle (:victim mindset.
Brad Herda (:eroded in the
corporate slash small business world.
Doyle (:Okay, all right. So when you say eroded, me understand that a little bit more.
Brad Herda (:Okay, let's maybe not a row the wall has gotten shorter the wall to hop over has gotten shorter, right? So like for me personally being as you know, the Gen X representative on the show not the boomer as some people think Right when I was in when I was at Beasaris and Caterpillar and all right that wall was that was you know That was the great wall of China that no one was going to cross over to those two things I didn't bring work home. I didn't take my personal life into work if I had shit going on
Doyle (:Yep.
Brad Herda (:it was, I'm not talking about it with people at work. I'm not doing those things. That's the wall I'm talking about that wall, that wall has gotten shortened.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm.
So are you talking, yeah, so are you talking, you know, people were bringing like family stuff and bringing up family stuff?
Brad Herda (:yeah. it was horrible listening to some of these stuff. Like you gotta be kidding me. What are you? Why? Why? Why are we crossing this? Why are we cross pollinating these things?
Doyle (:So let's, so because I wasn't there and I couldn't hear it, give me a specific scenario.
Brad Herda (:she's not talking to me. They don't want to do this. They don't want to do that. Why won't they have to write, you know, why do I have to coddle for, you know, all these menu choices? We just have this food. They used to like this. All this stupid shit. Just really stupid family thing. Not that I want to call family thing stupid. It was like, why are we talking about this with coworkers?
in an environment and taking on that approach and cross pollinating these two areas of lives was just mind boggling to me and and as I was sitting there and I left I'm like this is this is why I think the poll that I put out on LinkedIn as to what generation is the most difficult to manage I think that's why Gen Z is winning
Doyle (:Mm-hmm.
Doyle (:Okay.
Brad Herda (:is because of that cross pollination and mental health and all the things and all the stuff. Life is so stressful. So therefore I got to do these things. We're not we're not creating those boundaries, it appears anymore.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm. Okay. demographic-wise, was it all younger generation at Panera?
Brad Herda (:No, surprisingly it was all X and boomer.
Doyle (:interesting. And so they were
Brad Herda (:Yes, it was interesting because come on. Hmm. I wasn't expecting this from you all y'alls and and and that's all my daughter's not doing this or my husband's not doing that or this. It's like, come on, folks. You're this. This is not the right this. You just need to stop.
Doyle (:y'all, yeah.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm.
Doyle (:Well, while it may not be right, who else are they gonna turn to? Maybe this is their therapy session. They're able to talk with a coworker about some stuff going on.
Brad Herda (:Yeah, yeah, maybe.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm.
Brad Herda (:They were sitting in Panera, not working.
Doyle (:Maybe they were on break. You don't know. They were on lunch.
Brad Herda (:at 8.30 in the morning.
Doyle (:Before work. Coffee run, maybe?
Brad Herda (:Maybe, maybe could have been. So based on the survey right now, for my LinkedIn post, 37 % are saying Gen Z, 29 % are saying millennials, 26 % is saying boomers, and 9 % is saying Gen X.
Doyle (:Huh, weird. I think I know who's answering those questions.
Brad Herda (:Well, that's so when I'm gonna go through that and I'm gonna go look and see what that looks like as to what they're responding and where they're all coming from, because it does seem like it is a heavy Gen X response system.
Doyle (:Yeah.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm. Yep.
Brad Herda (:But that that that conversion of workplace versus home life versus private life just it because it's happening with my clients as well and they're trying to lead these kids and and people and it doesn't really matter right hey so and so my my boyfriend's doing this but right divorced family member my my girlfriend's doing that I got right all the kids stuff all the things
Doyle (:Mm-hmm.
Brad Herda (:This isn't new.
Doyle (:No, no, it's not new.
Brad Herda (:But it's new to the workplace, which is the bizarre part and I don't
Doyle (:Hmm
Doyle (:Is it new to the workplace or is it?
spilling over from the, I would say the COVID era where you didn't really have anybody to turn to, now you're back in the office, reforming and forging those relationships with your coworkers. And now you're there with them, you're trying to develop some form of relationship with other people.
And as you look at it, one of the things that the younger generation craves is that connection piece with other people.
And is this their their attempt because of what is seen on social media? Is this?
Brad Herda (:why would the GenX boomer be having that same conversation?
Doyle (:because now it's becoming part of the norm. Who are you going to have those conversations with?
Brad Herda (:Find some friends outside of work, could ya?
Doyle (:Because as.
But you're at work. You do what you love, right? You work, you do what you love. don't.
Brad Herda (:It just drove me crazy. Yes, I have some biases here. Yes, I understand, but it's like, wow. It's also the different mindset pieces is more about the negative mindset that was killing me as well as like, why is this happening to me? What's this going on here versus the accountability for the relationships or the things that are going on there? You know, well, you should go give them the ultimatum and this and that's like, don't know that sound advice there on the other side of that table. Potentially I wanted to get up and just go into that. Just sit at that table and go.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm.
Doyle (:Right.
Doyle (:Right.
Brad Herda (:Why would you ask that question to help? Right? Hey, you know what? This is a them problem, not a you problem. You want to feel you want them to feel this way about you and they don't. So either you accept it or you don't. And if you don't, then you get to feel like this. So. Right, maybe you didn't have the best relationship with that person growing and now they've done their thing or they found another group of people they're being influenced by. That doesn't mean that.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm.
Doyle (:Yeah.
Doyle (:Great.
Brad Herda (:They don't care. It's like they just may not. Like my oldest son, if I talk to him. Once every month, that would be a lot, but I know that things are going on and it's OK. He doesn't want to talk on the phone. He doesn't want to cool something's going on. He's going to call me if something's bad going on. He's going to call me if something good happens. My wife might get a text. I'm OK with that. It's OK. It's he's living his life. He's the adult.
Doyle (:Right.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm. Yep. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Brad Herda (:But I know when he comes home or we go up there, it's all good.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm. So, did you, are you seeing, so you've got the whole, you know, personal dynamics. Are you seeing any politics spilling over?
Brad Herda (:No, there wasn't any political talk. It was all personal and relationship activity based. was bringing the work bringing personal shit into the workplace relationship
Doyle (:Mmm.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm. Right. Well, I mean, there is there because that's just a powder keg waiting to happen.
For sure.
Brad Herda (:yeah, there is. And there's lots of lots of things there, but it's.
Doyle (:Yep.
Brad Herda (:So yeah, it was just weird. wasn't sure if you're seeing any, any office dynamics or changes or shifts of needing to lead differently with that, with that aspect within your sectors and your markets and with the trainings and things that you're doing and even the, the EQ awareness stuff that you do, as well. And some of the assessment work, right? Got a client right now where they know they're an asshole when they want to be. They, they,
Doyle (:Yeah.
Mm hmm.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm.
Brad Herda (:and they know what impact and they know the negative impact they project onto people, but yet they still do it. Correct.
Doyle (:Because they don't care. I mean, they care, but they care more about something else, more about the results of GSD, right? We just need to get it done. I don't care. And if it hurts your feelings, well, there's a cry room for that.
Brad Herda (:Depends on where you're at.
Doyle (:It's called your car. As you drive home. That would fit that scenario. But so to answer your question, am I am I seeing that? I would say to a point, it's still subdued. Where?
Brad Herda (:there.
Doyle (:because I'm working more with the larger corporations or larger companies. So on a macro side, you don't see it as much, but interdepartmental, every now and then as you start to see closer relationships develop, and we're talking more friendship type camaraderie situations where people start to know about each other's families, they understand some of the dynamics as they're working throughout the years, those things come up.
and people talk about them, but not as in depth that I'm aware of where they're outside of the work and office talking with their colleagues and complaining about situation A or situation B going on at home. But to your point,
And this is where even in the training I go back to, you are choosing to go down this path of victim. It is a clear choice, whether people want to admit it or not, it is a clear choice to let your mind go down this path. And you have the option to pull your head out and say, do I want to continue down this path? And whatever turmoil it causes myself and others,
Or do I want to take a different path?
Brad Herda (:Okay, so, all right, so you're talking to a leader of a department, engineering department, and they've got lots of unproductive work going on because these conversations take time. And they take away from productivity, they take away some things. Now, I've got the the engineering manager sitting there, but then I got the guy that's running the company and going, what the we're not getting any productivity.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm.
Brad Herda (:Regardless of what generation is, don't think it's generation specific. I think it is more and more common as we are seeing the blending of workforce expectations across generations being more being more congruent across age groups than ever before. What are you asking that owner and or engineering manager to to think about or do to?
Doyle (:Mm-hmm.
Doyle (:Correct.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm.
Brad Herda (:facilitate or create a more productive workforce and productive environment.
Doyle (:Ooh, that's a, you know, happens quite a bit actually. So there's the blunt Steve that comes in with a flame thrower and lights everything up and puts it all out and airs it all out for everybody. And I leave them with the choice. You choose, it's the culture that you've created that allows this. So there's that aspect. For me at the core,
It's separating out the emotions and the facts. Here are the facts, folks. This is what we need.
And I would be having a very frank conversations with everybody about this is where we need a direct focus. We need help getting to here. We understand that there is some undercurrents of things going on. We're going to, and honestly, I provide time for that. And you're like, fine. If you need an, if you need an extra hour at lunch to, you know, or an extra 30 minutes at lunch to have these conversations, to get it, to get it out so that you can then go focus, then fine. Take that extra 30 minutes.
but at the end of the day, here are deadlines that we need to hit and be very clear about what those are, especially if we're not hitting targets. Now, me, that's more pragmatic approach, but it's also looking at what are the setting the expectations for everyone.
Brad Herda (:So that approach puts the company first approach or customer first approach. But if you are a organization that is employee first and you promote that and that's what you believe, right? So the congruency, because regardless of whether you're customer first, company first or employee first, neither one of them is a wrong.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm.
Doyle (:Correct.
Brad Herda (:wrong situation. But if you're an employee first organization, how does that that approach doesn't work very well? How do you how do you go through with
Doyle (:It does and it doesn't because there's allowing space for them to talk through it and get an air it out. If you're not allowing that time and that space for people to do that, then yes, 100 % you are totally correct company first. By allowing space and time to address and allow employees to go through that.
you're, you're, you're, I'm blending the two. But if, and if you were a true company first, people are going, okay, fine. Then I want you to take the time off to sort out what you need to sort out. You know, take, take a day, take a couple of days, get everything sorted out so that when you come back here, everything is clear.
That is another approach that I've actually used for people when they're going through stuff and it becomes a distraction in the workplace. And it does work.
Brad Herda (:does. does really well because I remember when one of my I acquired a staff member who was expecting a promotion that all of a sudden was reporting to me. This was on a Wednesday afternoon. All this happened. That employee then left work abruptly, very angry and pissed off. And I'm like, OK, cool.
Doyle (:Promoted. Promoted.
Doyle (:Correct.
Brad Herda (:didn't come back till Monday, I did send a correspondent saying, doesn't matter. I'm cool, right? You need to do what you need to do. I understand your I understand your situation and anger and frustration and and disappointment. You get to decide how this moves going forward. I'm not docking any vacation. I'm not going to do anything. I'm not going to say by the nope, you got to be in here. I'm going to take two days of vacation because you left. not going to do those things.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm.
Brad Herda (:cause it's just the wrong thing to do as a, in my opinion, from a leader perspective. And then that individual actually became one of my better employees and, and. Right. He was, wouldn't even say he was an employee. He was more of a peer. We developed that relationship where it was more of a peer relationship, even though the organization had a hierarchical.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm.
Doyle (:Yep.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm.
Doyle (:Right.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Brad Herda (:And once that happened, his his whole career trajectory changed dramatically and was able to spend three years overseas, a bunch of different things because we able to get through a bunch of stuff. But yes, that empathy side does come into play. Believe it or not, I have a little bit of it. Just think, you know.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm.
Doyle (:believe it or not we both have just a smidge it's there you might have to you know uncover it knock the knock the rust off
Brad Herda (:Yeah, it was just weird. It was just weird listening to all that. And it drove me bat shit crazy. And it's like, OK, I need to I need to maybe have we need to have a conversation about this and figure out how to not have those things blend over or find out how to better effectively manage the blending of the personal life workforce because it is.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm.
Brad Herda (:It's going to happen. is happening and I'm not sure how it's going to impact Gen Alpha when they come into the workforce. Because they're a very different social level and a very different connection level with people than Gen Z was.
Doyle (:Right.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm. yeah. Mm-hmm. You got that right.
Brad Herda (:So that'll be the coming challenges for our great workplace environment. As they are now 14 years old and now getting work permits to go work in the restaurants and different things is busted. Now, assuming they're going to go out and get jobs, but that's a whole other story.
Doyle (:Okay.
Correct. Yep, I would say most of them are angling to find some work.
At least that's what I'm Because I have one. Because I have one.
Brad Herda (:Perfect. Yes, I know. That's why I mentioned it.
Doyle (:So.
Brad Herda (:All right, so Workplace BS, is it or is it not? Tis the question.
Doyle (:Well, we'll let you ponder that.
Brad Herda (:Yeah, I know that is that is where we're leaving this as leaders of organizations. That's the part you got to figure out. It is a time suck. It is an energy suck. It is a it is a cost. It could also be a benefit to reduce your turnover and things like that. If you have that type of environment where people have that ability and do those things so two sides of every coin. Just a matter of what you decide you want to see.
Doyle (:Mm-hmm.
Doyle (:That's right. All right.
Brad Herda (:Alright Mr Doyle, thank you very much for letting me vent. I greatly appreciate that sir and until next time.
Doyle (:No problem. All right, until next time,
